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I think we are finally witnessing the end of the earth as we know it. And of course now we decide its ok for a black man to president.....

Writer's Block: Outta My Way!

Have you ever experienced road rage?
yes, but I don't even drive, I have passenger seat road rage....

It's that time again...

Well another great summer of highs and lows, well mostly lows, has come and gone. Now it's time to return to Hamilton or as I affectionately call it, the ninth circle of hell. I can't believe classes start on monday and I can't believe I'm returning to the no happiness zone that is upstate New York. Atleast my dorm room mojo has returned and I was able to grab some sweet digs in a faculty house that has been converted to student housing. Its like an apartment, and there are like 5 people to each one, but I got a single and that is all that matters. And now that my shrink has finally seen the light and prescribed me adderall, I might actually get my school work done for once and avoid my obligatory Hamilton melt down that usually ends in me dropping out at some point during the semester. So my plan of action for this year is to keep ipod on at all times. Hopefully my earphones will act as a shield to protect me from having to actually interact with any of the morons that attend that school. Oh and weed always helps.

You Are What You Eat........

It's strange. I just walk around these days with this deeply held belief that something is truly off with me. I even think I see it in people's eyes when they look at me. That this overpowering malignant force is coming off me in waves and waves and everyone notices and maybe they might think you weren't meant to be here. I guess you could pin it to the depression. But that's too easy. Sometimes you just know its not the overwhelming negativity that comes  along with depression that's distorting your outlook on life. I really think some people have charmed existences while others are doomed to live a life of misery. I don't think there's an in between or a balance. And no pill, therapy session, self-help book, friend, family member, religion, hobby, or whatever else they shove down your throat that's supposed to make it "better" will change that. And I know this all sounds terribly pessimistic but honestly it's how I'm living right now.

~* KEWL*~

loser list

1) Still haven't found that summer job and it's almost july

2) Everyone and I mean everyone has a apartment and I still live with my grandmother

3) still haven't graduated from college

4) I don't leave my house. ever.

5) can't pass the stupid driving test, already failed twice, don't need another failure on my head

6) even if I did pass, not like I'd have enough money for  a car

7) whenever I graduate, maybe in the next century, have no idea what I'm gonna do, career wise. Oh, but I'm sure I'll still be living with my grandmother.

Jun. 18th, 2007

Wow, so the Queens of the Stone Age did a cover of "Christian Brothers" and I was expecting it to be like all hard rockish since that's what kind of band they are, but its really good. Its been on repeat for the past hour.

Jun. 15th, 2007

Shrink appointment tomorrow. Yay for more antidepressants and possibly stimulants of the adderall persuasion. and in other news I don't think this beef and broccoli was meant to be ingested atleast that's what my stomach is telling me.  : (

"I like to be in America......"

White Americans, what?
Nothing better to do?
Why don't you kick yourself out?
You're an immigrant too!

Best damn lyrics I've heard in a while. Jack White, I like you again.
Today I woke up with the distinct impression that I've done it all wrong. Well, I wake up like that all of the time but today was different. It wasn't the usual feeling of self-loathing and wishing for a time machine to jump me back to times where I made monumental mistakes. It was this sense of longing I had for my past and the people in it and the person I was back then. Ever had those dreams where random people from your past that you haven't thought about in years just manage to appear? Well yeah, this dream was populated with people that were like...to compare it to a movie, extras. It was weird but it made me think about little moments in my life, like when you were younger and how it was always a lot easier to make friends because when you're a kid you're not plagued with all this self-awareness bullshit and oh yeah depression...
But it just made me think that maybe I worry too much about things that just can't be helped and maybe the things that I thought I couldn't change maybe I can. Well... look at that. It sounds like I've been touched with a bout of optimism. Strange.